Dear Dreams

  1. Dear dreams that I have been chasing, I am leaving you.
  2. I have one rule in relationships: if you keep crying, about something that is in his control, leave. Dear dreams, my bags are by the door, and I am gone.
  3. I never told you because I respected you, but because you have shown me that you do not care to return that respect favor, I would like to let you know: there are many dreams out there that wish they had me, dozens that have asked me out, and even a couple of creepy ones that have proposed. I am going to go out with them. I am going to get drunk with them. I am going to bring them as my dates to parties where you will be present– be the first one at the party and the last one to leave. I am going to dance nights away with them. I am going to seat at the hammocks and look at the moonlight like an americanised child. We are going to discuss poetry. I am going to insist the literature they are in love with is not among the best the world has ever seen. They will be angry. They will lift their heads a little, move in on me in agitation, and kiss me.
  4. Because that’s what dreams should do. They should kiss you even when you hate the “It-is-a-truth-universally-acknowledged” line.
  5. There is no greater sin than failing to be awe struck by the ‘it is a truth universally acknowledged” line.
  6. I hope you like being alone.
  7. I am worried you will not miss me.
  8. I am worried I will never find a man like you.
  9. Here is my new address and my phone number. Please do not try to reach me.
  10. What if we were meant to be? What if I regret giving up on us? That ‘if a bird is yours it will come back to you’ line is bullshit. When WE called out literature cliché, we called that line out… I know you will not chase me. And if you will, you will do it in the selfish kind of way, the ‘I miss Ivy today and will insensitively try to contact her and awaken her feelings even though my own will be gone tomorrow’ kind of way. And when you reel me back in and you stop missing me I will be alone again. Only this time it will be my fault. I will have seen it coming.
  11. What if I regret giving up on us?
  12. I am too in love with you to imagine being in love with some other dreams. I will not fall to the blind ‘things will be fine’ cliché.
  13. I am scared I was too weak to handle you. I hate that there is someone else, someone who is not me, out there for you.
  14. If you contact me after what you have done, I will hate you. If you do not, I will hate you.

I will come to you

I will come to you, and your caresses will heal my wounds. Your thumb will swipe my cheek, and catch the tears. I will toss my head in protest. I will not wipe away yours. Why erase the tears, yet the devils that caused them dance around us in the room? You will hush me. You will say you do not know what else. I will admit I don’t either. We will be quiet. Our hearts will speak. They will say to love each other still. We will not know why. We will not be brave enough to say why not out loud. The god in you and the god in me will reach for each other. Bodies are black magic—beautiful black magic. You will slide your fingers under my blouse, at my waist, to the small of my back, below my breasts. I will have forgotten how to listen to you. But the spaces below our waists will remember. And, taking almost as long a time as forever, you will patch up my wounds, restore my flesh, slowly, slowly, I will be whole. The scars will show but I will be whole. We will not know why.