There were faces in all the
windows and faces pressing
against the window.
widened eyes.. dropped jaws… all
watching me. In loud silence,
intently… and with each passing
moment the eyes widened
further…the jaws
dropped lower and the tension became
I wanted them to go away to leave
me alone to my tears… to my
but they watched still… watched. me
squirm on the floor, writhe in
pain.. Some
gasped, some scoffed some mimed insults
…and then the walls started
in… fingers jabbing ..tongues
lashing, hands grabbing…and I
wanted them
all to go away from me…so my
heart could know some peace… so
I could
listen to my thoughts… listen to the
drumbeats to my execution…
I didn’t want to die alone.. I
wanted to be there when I died… I
wanted to
feel that noose and feel the air
being forced out… I wanted to bid
farewell…as befitting of a great
But they stood there.
my last; robbing me of my
and I raised my arms in
yelled… but I couldnt even hear
myself over their loud thoughts…
And then the rock and the hard
place…the devil and the deep blue
and there was a dagger and a
bullet and one thin path to
still…a lake of burning brimstone
and sulphur at the edge… and the
flames in my eyes and the
but still they pointed,
screamed and
closed in further…and I laughed in
pain and cried with painful
at the vanity… I shivered in the
heat and melted in the cold…and
became a painting on the wall…
then for a moment I was freed…
and there was no ground to land my feet
on…no sky to soar toward..and no
abyss to sink in… Just a vast
expanse…a vast expansive…and
then there was a tear… rough…
crude… and those faces… the same old faces again… then
pain…scalding memories…
burning tears…that love…that
barbed love…
that love…
Now the laughter…
both mirthful and mirthless…and
again, I
fell…to the bottom of the
bottomless pit…
the cries died away…and it was
dark… sad.. painful… but the pain
no longer painful… beautifully
suffocating…and I was happy… I
content… I had with me the
shattered pieces of my heart…and
pieces of
that barbed love…and the deep
pain in my heart… it was all I
could ever
ask for… and as my tears touched
the ground and the pain seared
me… and the cold bit into
me…and I listened to my great
pieces of that love slipped through
my fingers as sand… and I felt a warm chill
inside me… and i was home..sweet
home… no faces no walls… I
could now
say farewell…
no horizon… no past… just the
vast expanse…and then there was
barrels and barrels from
somewhere beyond…and light
disrupting my cover of
dark…thunder interupting my
still… curse them!!! the
freaking followed me home…
freaking… followed me home…
that foreign
tongue…shrieky voices…crooked
fingers… long scrawny
necks…interupting my happy
peaceful pain…to stand in the way
of my
blizzard… interupting the avalanche
that i had waited soo long to bury
me… and they scattered my
heart…burnt the ashes…blocked
my horizon…
and still they got their noses
pressed against my
window…pointing… not
their bird…not their cage…not
their slave not their prison… they
followed me home… they
freaking…followed me home..


… And as she got onto bed she took a moment to let the contentment that she felt sink in. She knew how not to take it for granted that she was smiling. She knew how not to take it for granted that she could not have wanted things any other way.

The world had been kind enough to Krista to have her, for the better part of her life, insulated from the gory mishaps that every now and then befall a human being. However, it had been cruel enough to show her that wishes were not served on a silver platter, and that sometimes, often, one strives and still fails.

Krista knew how to pray and to play, what it meant to live and to love. She knew that everyone had their own path to joy. For her, that was achieved when she knew she had made someone’s life a tad bit easier. She knew that food for one was food for all- that there were only two things that, instead of share, a lady should rather give away- her clothes and her man.

Krista knew what this was. Plateau is what she called it. It was that time in her life when she was allowed to breathe, to take in how far she’d come. Nothing good was happening, but nothing bad was either, and for that she directed a thank you heavenward every chance she got.

She glanced at the clock. A couple of minutes after one it read. Late again, she wondered if she’d ever get her bedtime right. She figured probably not, but if there was anything her hustles as a grownup had taught her it was that life was no science. If you kept waiting for one plus one to give you two, you would spend even the afterlife dissatisfied. So she settled for one point something plus zero point something, and hoped that the world would not be too hard on her for not doing everything by the book.

Out of habit, she checked her two active e-mail addresses for new mail. E-mails unsettled her because they were the most likely way of getting news of a setback in one of her million endeavours. She wasn’t worried though because it was Saturday and she knew her official contacts would wait till Monday to be on her case again. On confirming that there was no new mail, she opened her Facebook subconsciously and liked a photo of one of her friends on the top of the Kilimanjaro. Then she slid her phone on the carpet to the base of her dressing table- a habit she had acquired since her teen when she read that phones were carcinogenic. She mused at the fact that her teenage self was probably more genius than she. You know, what with reading the newspaper and watching documentaries on TV. Then she prayed and slept.